I'm sorry

for not always knowing what to say.

I hope you don't hate me every time I couldn't find the right words to say to make you smile.
I hope you can tell I don't mean the words I say when I'm being hurtful.
I hope my words never cause you heartbreak.

Forgive me.

humbled

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now.
I'm sorry it took so long.


Several months ago, I was driving to an orphanage with one of the kitchen helpers from the school at which I work. We just had a year end party in school and we had such kind and giving parents that at the end of the day, we ended up with boxes and boxes of cakes uneaten, so we decided to give them to kids who aren't as lucky as our students. During the drive, I made conversation with the kitchen helper, Janet, asking her about her family. After awhile, I ran out of things to ask and we fell silent. Janet then started asking me about the home we were going to. At some point she said "I didn't know there was one here," which led me to ask her if she's been to the ones elsewhere.

From there, I found out that, yes, she has. In fact, she does it on a weekly basis. More than that, she told me that she goes to give food or diapers and when she can't afford it, she just helps out. I swear to God, I wanted to cry.

You see, at the risk of sounding conceited and obnoxious, I've always considered myself as a "nice" person--nice enough to be considered charitable, at least. That day, Janet gave me a huge figurative slap on my face. Here she is, a woman who makes just enough to support herself, her medical fees (she's ill with something that requires a visit to the doctor every couple of weeks) and her little brothers who are still in school, and she still makes it a point to give back. And me, with all my privileges, luxury, and time, and what do I do with it?

I waste it.

That day I was humbled. And it made me promise myself, if not to be as charitable as possible, to at least give when I can, to not take what I have that others don't for granted, and to be grateful, always.

I hope I will keep improving on this, InsyAllah.

a birthday shoutout

To a wonderful friend, 

Nadalmuhtadi Abd. Razak :

(this is just how happy you make me :) don't ever lose your exuberance and joy)

Happy 21st birthday.

May you become all the wiser with your age, and may you always be blessed with happiness, success, and good friends :)

 You've been a wonderful companion and I could not ask for more.

Thank you for being all that you are.

With Love.

perihal Abah dengan lembu

one night during dinner...



Abah: Are, mana I punya susu lembu?

Mama: Dekat lembu.

*     *     *     *     *

another night, during dinner...



Jehan: Abah suka makan kote lembu.

Abah: Tak de lah. Tak suka makan pun.

Jehan: Dah tu? Selalu kalau balik kampung kenapa berebut kote lembu?

Abah: Lembu sekor, kote satu...kena la rebut.

.

Company Iftar at Halia (in Sime Darby Convention Centre)

It has become a tradition of sorts for Ingeniouscare Sdn. Bhd. to hold a buka puasa dinner for its employees during Ramadhan. Since I first joined the company, our pick for the company dinner every single year has been Halia, in Sime Darby Convention Centre.

This year, we made no changes to our plans and pre-booked 4 tables at the Ramadhan buffet in Sime Darby two months prior to the occasion. While we've always been pretty happy with the food they serve, we took notice that every year, the seating grew in number and the buffet lines got longer and longer. This time around, Sime Darby opened its doors to a crowd of 700pax per night. And at the rate of RM 70/pax, they were making a hell of a lot of money.

Although the buffet spread is more extensive this year compared to other years –expanding from the generic Malay food to roast lamb, to Yee Sang and Dim Sum—we still much prefer the original way they did things; small crowd, good food. I guess with 699 others racing to get the same dish, you just figure in the end that it’s not worth the fight, especially when you feel full after 3 bites anyway (a disease I managed to catch since Ramadhan started—go figure!).

But, in the spirit of good cheer and merriment, we made the best of it. And I ate enough to make me feel not only bloated but positively brimming and on the verge of sickness (Alhamdulillah…I think?).

 

with Mikhaila, doing our "perempuan Melayu terakhir" pose

the big boss and her kids 

 

the team that holds the four forts down 

the young generation ;p

that's most absolutely the worst face she's ever made for a photo. that girl...

We will definitely make it a point NOT to go there again next year and find good cheer elsewhere.

P.U.S.H= Pray Until Something Happens

Allah answers Prayers in 3 Ways: 



1. He says YES and gives you what you want


2. He says NO and gives you something BETTER 


3. He says WAIT and gives you the BEST in His own time.

I really just need today to be good

Friday, please be kind to me.
Please, God, don't let everything fall apart now.

if someone had told me back then that being a doctor was THAT easy, I'd have opened my clinic and earned my millions by now

Last Monday, I was hit by a fan while trying to hang up a curtain (dumb move not switching it off, I know) and although I was only scratched with no excessively large wounds or overflowing blood, I still found it worrisome that some parts of my hand turned blue almost instantly. But since the wound didn't look too bad, I made myself bear with the pain till the next day.

The next morning, I went to the university clinic to check up on my hand as I was still in pain and certain parts of my hand was still blue. Of course, I didn't expect them to tell me it was really bad and that I needed a surgery or anything. But I did expect the doctor to at least look at it for more than two seconds. I found myself disappointed. When I showed my wound to the doc, he took my hand, glanced at it and threw it down onto the table saying "sikit je" and then wrote down a prescription for ponstans.

See, if someone mentioned that all it takes to be a doctor is having the ability and skill to write prescriptions for pain killers, I'd have been a doctor instead of studying linguistics *rolls eyes*.

Service above self, people. I'm paying for yours.

I'm looking forward to school!!?!

I'm not one to favor UIA much, but as of right now, I can't wait for several reasons:

1. I miss my girls, Wanie, Nadal, and Hazeman (yes, he's a girl) and I'm SO looking forward to seeing them :)

my favourite girls :)

2. I've been eating waaaaaayyy too much and have been slacking off when it comes to keeping myself fit and have therefore gained yet another 2 kilos. Hopefully, when i get back to college, I can start working out and help my fitness some by walking to class and eating less (or at least making healthier choices in what I put on my plate)

3. I want to have my Arab paper re-checked. Nothing to lose here, right?

4. Having failed a paper, I'm kinda psyched about getting back on the saddle and studying my ass off this time around. Lets pray I don't get distracted. And if I do, I officially allow anybody who knows me well enough to give me a tight slap across my face (you better check yourself cuz if I don't regard you as a close friend and you slap me, I promise you I'll rearrange your face).

5. They renovated my mahallah which means, new furniture for me!!!! YAY!!!! hehehe

6. I just want to speed up the graduation process right now, seriously.

So, UIA, be kind to me this time around, yeah? pleaseandthankyou. And to all my UIA peeps, I'll see y'all soon!!!!! :)

I used to be scared of getting old

I worried about the changes I'd live through and not being able to accept them.
I worried about the world not making any sense to me.
But now, I look forward to it.
It would be fun, i think :)
Who knows, maybe I'll do something funny like leaving the house without my teeth. Heheh.

selagi boleh menyumbang

My sister who's currently working in one of the Big 4s of accounting firms has a colleague who plays 4 different sports for the company. When my sister commented that he's "gila kuasa" for is excessive participation, he said "Eh, mestilah! Selagi boleh menyumbang!"

I found myself thinking, "huh...if only every employee thinks this way." What's so refreshing about what he said is that this guy, is not worrying about what the company can do for him. He's thinking about what HE can do for the company, which is rare. I have witnessed so many mistakes made by employees simply because they think their jobs aren't worthy and that the company is not doing enough for them.

You see, we are often so selfish in life that we tend to forget that "giving = getting". All we keep thinking about is "ME". We don't realize that if we work well, we get more. If we perform and uphold the good name of our employers, we gain respect and possibly a bonus too. No. What we do, is complain about how tiring our jobs are and how the pay is never enough. Well...think about this: maybe your pay isn't enough because you're not doing enough.

So, ladies and gentlemen, selagi boleh menyumbang, why not? Right?

i'm sorry

for disappointing you,
for not doing my best,
for not being all that I can be.

I'm sorry for failing you.

But most of all, I'm just sorry I failed myself.

there's magic in the night air

that lifts up the walls we build in the day and turn them into bridges,
that allows us to unveil our most secret hearts and speak truth to complete strangers,
that gives us the chance to be somebody we have always wished to be; somebody we are not,
that takes us to a place of fantasies...

and when the dawn breaks, and pink and purple hues colour the sky,
we ultimately mask ourselves once again, to be the people others determined we should be...

until the sky turns red and orange,
and night falls again.

its days like this that reminds me why I love them

Received an envelope with my name on it at lunch time from Aleya. Inside was a note that read:

" Teacher Fatin.

 I like your 

close and sekearf.

and you look

preety."

:) Its a good day today

my parents crack me up

Seeing this notice first thing in the morning, I wasn't sure whether I should get moody (because it kinda sucks to be told to clean an entire house so early in the morning when you're groggy, cranky, AND hungry) or laugh (because, dang it! Who else proclaims your duty as if it's a Qur'anic verse?!).

I decided later that being light hearted about it would be better for my skin.

i try my best to mean what i say and say what i mean.

if you can't take my honesty, then maybe you should leave.

when mothers become tech savvy

Mama: Mama nak guna internet

Abah: Mama nak guna internet?

Jay: Mama nak guna internet buat apa Ma?

Mama: Mama nak Google.

Me: Google apa?

Mama: Google la apa pun....

* * * * * * * * * *

Mama: Fatin, tolong bukak computer and on internet sat.

Me: Mama nak buat apa ni Ma?

Mama: Buat la apa pun...

Me: Tak la, Mama nak cari pasai apa?

Mama: Ikut suka Mama la! Mama guna internet kacau Fatin ka?!

touching earth

when a man loves a woman,
she comes to him in his dreams,
doing all the things he wants her to

no matter where you go, bring <3 with you

there's something so comforting in kind words spoken, 

for some reason, they help you heal.