cigarette

I breathe you in deep
and taste you as you fill my lungs
your poison smoke seeps through me
circles in my every nerve
through every vein
tracing little tingles of pleasure
all over me

your caramel scent burns
into my fingers and stays
imprinted
on every inch of my skin

your taste envelopes my mouth
and lingers
like an unforgettable first kiss
sweet and surprising
all at once

as i exhale you
a calm sweeps through me—

and as you become my greatest addiction,
quitting you becomes impossible.

you are my bad habit.

do they hear you when you cry?

do they hear you when you cry?

tears well up in your eyes

gently slides down your cheek,

silent.

do they hear you when you cry?

quiet sobs, small whispers,

                                gaping, gasping for air,

                                gripping hard to all the strength you have left.

do they hear you when you cry?

a hole in your heart,

                a broken soul,

                shattered.

do they hear you?

do they hear you?

                no longer bearing sanity,

                losing all form of clarity.

do they hear you, my love?

    do they hear you when you cry?

when your heart shatters,

when your soul breaks down,

when all that matters to you is you,

do they hear you?

they never heard me.

hy-per-ven-ti-late

laughing out loud

i had such a very interesting conversation with my parents yesterday morning...
the things they said to me and to each other made me laugh so hard.
their words were so spontaneous and honest but humorous.
i can't put it up here though. unfortunately for all of you, i cannot share their jokes with the general public.

but these jokes...they're the reason why i love my parents so much.

this is super cool...

close your eyes and imagine,
feel the weight evaporate,
your shoulders rise up again,
as the burden disintegrate.

take yourself away,
to a place with happy days,
imagine being here,
with the ones whom you hold dear.

shut your eyes and see yourself,
in a place of simple pleasures,
a place where you can run to,
without being chased by troubles--

now open your eyes, brother.
wake up and look around.
I know you're lonely and bothered,
but here you shall stay bound.

I'm truly very sorry,
to lay so much on your shoulders,
but this weight that you must carry,
will help you when you're older.


p/s: it's time to get back to reality

when I woke up this morning, I thought to myself:

I am here.
I am still breathing.

I need nothing else in order to be grateful.

you might think me mediocre, you might say i'm someone you don't need to know

but someday you'll stand before me, astounded.
someday you'll see me and say, "she was destined for greatness".
someday you will tell yourself you were wrong about me.
someday you will find yourself regretful for having never given me a chance to prove myself.

someday, you will look in the mirror and say, "i wish i was her and not me"

in life

trust no one

because regardless how much you love someone, how much you trust someone, how much you think someone will be a good friend for life, you are wrong to think that they will never betray you.

never let anybody close enough to have the power to hurt you

at a loss for words

the ugly ugly truth

izzati_noris: it's the little things that keep me going la annuar
 because nobody else will push you, you have to learn to push yourself
 and that's how i do it
 but i'm still here
 hehe

Annuar: betul
 life is so lonely.
 you have to push yourself.

izzati_noris: yeah

Annuar: mati pun sorang sorang

izzati_noris: people keep saying that no man's an island
 they must  be blind
 we're all islands
 surrounded by vast seas
 yeah we talk about our problems
 yeah we share experiences
 yeah we hold somebody when we sleep
 but when we think, we think alone
 when we grieve, no matter how much we talk about it, our grief is our own
 and no matter how happy, or how sad, or how ambitious we may be, those are all our own
 and nobody else's


sometimes i say things i didn't even know i was thinking

white noise

blablablablablablablablablablablablabla

you keep talk talk talk talk talk talking

nothing sense but say ever you makes

blablablablablablablablablablablablabla

note: just trying out something i learned in linguistics application. lemme know if you get it and whatever you think

maybe...

maybe...
maybe this time you won't disappoint me.

close your eyes and make a wish

i'd give anything to know that one day i'll be happy